The Night Nobody Died
by Bottlebrush
Summary: Harry assumed that Remus was not in on the joke when Sirius sent Snape to the Whomping Willow. Snape assumed that he was. Suppose Snape was right? Remus’s pov. Slash SBRL.


Title: The Night Nobody Died

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter world or its characters. J. K. Rowling does.

Summary: Harry assumed that Remus was _not_ in on the joke when Sirius sent Snape to the Whomping Willow. Snape assumed that he was. Suppose Snape was right?

Remus's pov. Slash SBRL.

Don't anybody bother saying this story is not canon and telling me to go and read the book again. I know it's not canon, it never happened, and I don't wish it happened or think it ought to have happened. It's speculative, a "what-if?" story. It never happened, but if it had it might have happened something like this:

I thought it was a joke at first. Not a very funny joke, but I laughed anyway. When they told me they meant it, I couldn't believe it.

"But he's evil," James said. "He's in with these people that support Voldemort."

"Death Eaters," said Sirius.

"Yes, them," said James.

"So tell Dumbledore," I said.

"We can't prove it," said James.

"Then maybe you're wrong," I said.

"We're not," Sirius said. "We've seen him sneaking off to their meetings. And we've heard him talking to his pals, boasting how he's going to be initiated as soon as he's seventeen."

"So that's why we're going to make sure he never gets to be seventeen," James said.

"None of that proves anything," I said. "And why me? You know I hate violence."

"That's why it's such a beautiful plan," James said. "It won't be you doing it, it'll be the wolf. You'll be in the clear."

"That's not how the authorities will see it," I said.

"They'll never know," said Sirius. "We'll come early in the morning and dispose of the body."

"Or what's left of it," said Peter, grinning.

"And Snape will just have disappeared. No-one will know he's even dead, let alone who killed him," James added.

"But _I'll_ know," I said.

"So?" Sirius looked honestly confused.

"So I can't live with that. I won't do it."

"Yes you will," James said. "Think about it. You'll do it because it's the right thing to do."

Sirius came close to me and said very quietly "You'll do it for me. Because I've never asked anything of you in six years."

They walked away then, the two of them, smiling, confident, arrogant.

Peter said softly "You'll do it because you have no choice."

I stared at him.

"You have no control over what the wolf does," he went on. "When you're in the Shack, and Snape comes down the passage, you'll kill him. The only way you can stop that happening is if you warn Snape now, or tell a teacher. And you won't do that. It would get us all in terrible trouble. We'd be expelled at least, maybe put on trial. You wouldn't do that to your friends, the people who've given so much time and energy over all these years, helping you and making your life better."

"You're saying it's payback time?" I said.

"If you want to put it like that," Peter said.

"No," I said.

"You have no choice."

"There is always a choice," I said. "Maybe I can't betray you. But I can kill myself rather than be a murderer."

"But that's what we've been telling you," Peter said, looking, I was pleased to see, a little bit frightened. "You won't _be_ a murderer, that's why it has to be you who does it, you will be innocent, the wolf will kill him."

"That's nonsense. If I let it happen, I'm guilty. And I won't do it. You can tell James and Sirius that."

He was looking really worried when he ran off after the other two. I hurried in the other direction. Professor Slughorn's office was empty, as I knew it would be. The Potions master had placed wards on his door, but we had long ago learned to get past them whenever we wanted ingredients for some prank. But this time it was no prank.

I didn't want to die. I desperately wanted to live. But I could not force myself to betray my friends, so the choice was between killing Snape and killing myself. I believed firmly that my life was more valuable than his, but that wasn't the point. What nobody understood was that there was a battle within me between the human and the wolf, and if the wolf killed someone, even someone like Snape, it would have won. I would never again have peace of mind or self-respect.

I soon found what I was looking for, a potion that would kill quickly. I poured a sufficient quantity into a beaker and held it. I thought of my parents, and how they would suffer from what I was going to do. If I could only explain to them, they would understand it was better than letting the wolf kill. A small voice inside told me they would say I should go to Dumbledore with the whole story, but I ignored it. I had been an expense and embarrassment to them for the past ten years; they were better off without me and they would in time come to realise that. I raised the beaker to my mouth, but did not drink. I thought about James and Sirius and Peter, and how they would feel. It was their fault. They were forcing me to this. But if I could only say goodbye – I remembered Sirius's handsome face and his beautiful body, and the gentleness of his hands when he held me and comforted me after the painful transformations, and the thought that I would never see him or feel his touch again froze me in indecision for too long.

"What on earth are you doing here? I've been looking everywhere for you!" Madam Pomfrey was in the doorway. "Do you realise what time it is? Pettigrew told me I might find you here. Come on now, put that down, whatever it is, and get out here at once."

I could have drunk the potion then and there, but I didn't. I put the beaker down and followed her, followed her to the Willow and left her there. As if in a trance I moved down the passage and had almost reached the Shack when I knew what I should have done. I should have run away while I still could, run deep into the Forest where no human ever went. I would probably have been expelled for breaking the rules that had been laid down for my and others' safety, but that would be better than being dead, and a lot better than killing Snape. Or I could have told Lily. Lily was clever, she would have known what to do. But I was having all these intelligent thoughts too late. The agony in my mind changed to agony of the body, there was only pain and then nothing but dreams of darkness and blood.

I awoke not in the Shack, but in bed in the hospital wing. I ached all over and was covered in bandages. Pomfrey came over to my bed with a cup in her hand.

"You had a bad time last night," she said. "You've been so much better lately, I had hoped …… but last night was a setback. Drink this."

I drank the potion she gave me and slept again. When I awoke next it was afternoon.

"How are you feeling now?" Pomfrey asked.

"Better," I said. I looked at her anxiously, but her face revealed nothing. She went away and came back in a few moments with a tray. Peanut butter and banana sandwiches and camomile tea. I was always very hungry after a full moon, and today was no exception. Surely, if I had eaten Snape, I wouldn't be feeling so ravenous? I was more hopeful as I ate, then my spirits sank again when Pomfrey said "When you've finished that, get dressed. Professor Dumbledore wants to see you in his office."

Full of dread, I followed her to the headmaster's office. Dumbledore sat behind his desk, with McGonagall on one side of him and Reichenbach, the head of Slytherin, on the other. There were five chairs in front of the desk, three of them occupied by James, Sirius, and Snape. Seeing Snape there, alive and seemingly uninjured, I felt such relief that my knees buckled and I would have fallen if Pomfrey hadn't supported me and helped me into a chair, taking the other vacant chair herself.

Dumbledore was speaking, recounting what he thought had happened the previous night, which was rather at odds with the facts. According to the version of events in his head, the decision to send Snape after me into the passage beyond the Willow was Sirius's alone; he had boasted about it to James, who had immediately, at great risk to himself, followed Snape and rescued him. I was an innocent catspaw, James a big hero, and Peter did not come into it at all. Sirius had taken all the blame on himself. I opened my mouth to protest: this was surely unfair? But then I realised that to speak up would help no-one, least of all Sirius; as things were, his action appeared as a spur-of-the-moment impulse which was bad enough, but a premeditated conspiracy involving all of us would have been much worse. I shut my mouth again as Dumbledore pronounced me blameless, and awarded Sirius detentions for the rest of the year and some thousands of points against Gryffindor. Or maybe it was just hundreds. Reichenbach protested against this leniency, but McGonagall backed Dumbledore and his decision prevailed. Snape looked at me nastily; he at least was not deceived.

Later I watched impassively as James and Sirius shouted at each other and James walked away angrily. Sirius smiled at me. "He got cold feet," he explained.

I looked into Sirius's face. It was not the face of a murderer. His expression was gentle and kind, as it had always been for me. Then he did what he had never done before. He put his arms around me and kissed me. It was what I had always wanted and never hoped for. It was better than I could have imagined. I kissed him back; I couldn't not. I understood: it wasn't my fault I hadn't killed Snape, so I was being given my reward anyway. When I looked in his eyes again, I saw surprise that mirrored my own. He was saying things – he loved me, he hadn't realised, he didn't know it would be like this.

"I will always remember this," he said. His hands were inside my robes now, exploring.

_Yes,_ I thought, _you will remember that my soul is corrupt. But you will forget it was you who corrupted it._

Then I lost myself in the bliss of being with Sirius, and of what he was doing to me, and I stopped thinking.


End file.
